Alert: White House Hunting for "Bag of Dicks" Militia Hero
Our sources have confirmed that the White House is searching for the individual that recently sent a bag of dicks to the "militia leaders" at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon.
A statement was released by the White House in which President Barack Obama referred to the penile wizard as an "American hero with no equal."
Multiple witnesses have substantiated accounts that the bag was indeed full of dicks
Although not in the official White House statement, rumors have swirled that President Obama has referred to the hero as "a real G."
Authorities are looking to confirm the sender's identity by the end of the day.
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